Day 9; Costa Rica qualify, England do not.

Let's not dwell on it any longer, I did that in Day 8, let's just move on enjoy the rest of the tournament as a neutral, knowing whatever the result of any game you witness as of now, is unable to leave you feeling like you've been punched in the heart. Day 9 was the day that Costa Rica, expected whipping boys of group D and faced with possibly the toughest group considering they were drawn against three former world champions (albeit one of them being England), have qualified for the knockout stages - with a game to spare.

With either lots of hard work and determination, or some good photoshop-ing, we could make this the England team.

On the back of their Joel Campbell inspired victory against Uruguay, they have produced an even bigger upsetting of the odds, and many England fans. Italy, a team most praised heavily after they defeated us, including the coolest man in football, and the man who thinks he's the coolest man in football (Pirlo and Balotelli, decide on which description is meant for each player depending on your mental age), were left waving their hands around in despair, like Italians do with every other emotion.

Far from a Fulham legend, Bryan Ruiz, scored the unscripted first half goal that along with an OCD level of defensive organisation, secured a historic victory for the football crazy nation. The result now means Uruguay must play their second 'cup final' in as many games, as the winner of themselves and Italy will qualify for the second round, whilst the loser will be on the plane home with Elimination Airways™. Whether or not Uruguay achieve a double of cliché cups will surely depend on which key players perform in that fixture. Currently topping my list of swaggy midfielders, ahead of Xabi Alonso and the retired, Clarence Seedorf, is Andrea Pirlo, and if he gets to caress the ball enough you'd expect the Azzurri to qualify. However, as 'End of England's World Cup' montages on BBC and ITV will show us, Luis Suarez is more than capable of punishing opposition, and he'll have an extra couple of percent to add to his 75% fitness which he tore up our dreams with.

Ruiz indirectly sinking England

Apologies to the many Costa Ricans who'll read this, and be annoyed that I've barely touched on just how good they were, and to satisfy my Central American fan base, I will say this - they seem to have a fair few useful players in amongst their rigid structure. Christian Bolanos, or 'the matey with the hair band,' is the most hard working number seven I've seen since Beckham versus Greece, and the 'Pacey Joel Campbell' (his full name) could have a role to play at Arsenal next season, or more realistically, a hit and miss loan spell at a relegation battling Premier League side. How they'll do in the knockout rounds is anyone's guess, I'm going for one more upset, then a demolishing at the hands of Brazil in the quarter finals.

The prime time World Cup viewing spot was filled by France against Switzerland, which was surely a foregone conclusion considering the mighty Switzerland are ranked sixth in the world, and minnows France are only 17th. Yet against all odds, France put in arguably the performance on the tournament so far, rivaled  only Holland's thrashing of Spain. Giroud met Valbuena's corner with his well groomed head to put them a goal up, before Matuidi raced through and double the lead a minute later. Benzema, France's talisman in the absence of many, won and missed a penalty, but his embarrassment was spared as Cabaye kindly took the negative attention off of his teammate by missing the rebound which looked much easier than the task of scoring from 12 yards.

If you thought the penalty miss would spur Switzerland on, you were wrong. The minuscule Valbuena added a third, before Benzema redeemed his misery from the spot to score his third of tournament. One of Newcastle's many French-Geordie contingent added the fifth goal in the shape of Moussa Sissoko, to create a result which in spite of all my earlier sarcasm, was actually a shock, as France picked apart a Swiss team that is highly thought of, not just by FIFA. A pair of consolation goals offered some hope for Switzerland in their remaining group game, but they were fortunate not to concede a sixth as Benzema smashed the ball home just after the final whistle, something which could come back into the spotlight should Benzema narrowly lose out on the Golden Boot.

Minuscule Valbuena. 

AND FINALLY...

Ecuador met bad boys Honduras in the day's final game, in a somewhat entertaining affair. The South American style of the side lead by Antonio Valencia, in the light of his signing of a new contract at Manchester United, was up against an extremely physical side, to the point of making the audience at home wince, with the help of super slo-mo replays highlighting the force of tackles on show. Standout performances and hairstyles were present, with Bernárdez, the blonde-topped centre-back who looked clumsy in his own half and a threat in the other. Collapsing to his knees instead of heading the ball, he conceded a comical corner when the ball plummeted onto his knees and out of touch. However, on the attacking front, the big man stood 15 yards away from a free-kick, giving himself a Roberto Carlos-like run up. The ball seemed destined for Row Z, especially in the light of his earlier display of a simple lack of technical ability. Yet his strike of the ball was clean and accurate, as well as dangerously powerful, as it more than tested the Ecuadorian(?) goalkeeper. 

The keeper in question was beaten though, Kevin Costly latched onto to a long ball that would make Sam Allardyce and Tony Pulis weak at the knees, before the striker, literally chomping at the bit (of blue plastic he had in his mouth for some reason), he drilled a left footed effort home. 

Chomping at the bit of plastic, which must infuriate health and safety lovers.

Joy for Honduras, who before scoring only seemed to be capable of very few emotions, including angry and aggressive. But their joy sooned retracted into much more negative emotives, as Enner Valencia, no relation to Antonio Valencia in family terms or skill, turned the game on its head. First the in-form striker equalised with a poachers effort from a shot-turned-deflected-cross, before a second half winner via his head from a fairly simple set-piece, which was met with poor defending not for the first time in this tournament.

Being a South American side, the victory created yet another atmosphere that would make a fraction of the £800 flight price to Brazil, somewhat viable for any Englishman considering making the trip to Brazil.