Day 5; Not even Shola Ameobi could break down the Iran defence.

Germany versus Portugal sounds like a quarter-final that goes to extra-time, then penalties thanks to a late equaliser from Miroslav Klose, who consequently beats Ronaldo's record of most World Cup goals, and then Germany go onto win the shootout and reduce Cristiano Ronaldo to tears. But it's not, it's the opening match of Group G in the 2014 World Cup. More traditional sounding group games of this date were USA vs Ghana and Iran vs Nigeria - a match I originally said had 'Random Goalfest' written all over it. How disgustingly wrong I was.

Iran versus Nigeria kicked off at 8pm, which I'd class as the prime time slot for British viewers. For many people, they would've returned from a long Monday at work, possibly missed the significantly more interesting, Germany-Portugal game earlier, looking to console themselves with the next best thing available to their football hungry minds, which as it happened, was Iran and Nigeria's stalemate. The Asian side are outsiders in the group, not expected to trouble any of their opponents, and that seems to be an opinion that even manager, Carlos Queiroz, also shares. His team shut up from first minute to last, parking the infamous metaphorical bus in front of their goal, and hoped to nick a goal from a set-piece. The bus proved hard to manoeuvre for Nigeria, despite the immense strength of Emineke, who may have been able to pick up said automobile if he was given the chance. Not even the recently converted to Nigerian, legendary and now former, Newcastle United hitman, Shola Ameobi could use his career-long experience of Premier League mediocrity to trouble the Iran defence, and thus this World Cup had its first draw.

Emineke chasing the metaphorical Iran bus.

The following game contained much more excitement and, you know, football. Or should that be soccer? No it shouldn't. But nevertheless, captain of the US Men's National Team roster, got the States off to a flyer, with a goal conversion just 1 minute in to the first period, the 5th fastest Soccer World Series goalshot of all time. Then, under wise commands by Coach Klinsmann, they reduced offensive play and concentrated on their 'D' to prevent Ghana from breaking up-field, and creating slap-shot opportunities. 

T-Howard of the Everton Toffees, showed some great goal-tending, rejecting Gyan's attempt from out side the PK in the first 45, then his upper body shot in the second. But disaster struck when Ghana set up a real neat play, and Andre Ayew found the net with a strike off his left-cleat. Heartbreak for the USMNT. But in times of desperate need, heroes rise, and Jordan Brooks became an American hero when a corner-play was teed up, and he smashed one in off his heezy to put America at 2 goal points to 1, with the 90 clock running down fast. 

Back to the less fairytale, over dramatic and more pessimistic English outlook on the world, as bigger moment it was for young Brooks, I couldn't help but think his celebration was a little over the top. Call me old school, but when I see someone score a late-winner, I expect to see relief as frustration leaves, combined with joy, expressed through first pumping, with an almost angry looking facial expression - similar to Tardelli of 1982 as mentioned previously or even Seferovic of Switzerland on Sunday. But the way Brooks turned away, mouth and eyes wide open as if it to say 'OMG OMG OMG OMG,' was certainly a less masculine way to show his euphoria. Then it got worse, he pulled out the 'collapse onto the floor because this is all way too much for me,' which is fine, to an extent. It's fine when teammates start to bundle on top, or issue pats on the back and then help you up, but no. Not this guy. He laid there and laid there and laid there. Completely over-doing the whole moment, and leaving an over-dramatic stain on his winning goal, which should have been the main topic of discussion. But maybe I'm just old school.

"OH MY GAWD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I NEED A LAY DOWN."

 The match of the day was ironically on ITV, as Adrian Chiles welcomed us into the studio with himself, two World Cup winners in the shape of Fabio Cannavaro and Patrick Vieira, and Lee Dixon pushed to one side. The words leaving Chiles' slappable face were 'that if sizes of games were judged by the number of superstars on show, this is the biggest yet,' cueing a montage including the 'superstars' on show. Whilst I agree with most of them, the inclusion of Nani at the end felt a bit forced, like they didn't have enough to fill the minute-long sequence. I think it would've been more understandable if they just mentioned Cristiano Ronaldo twice, rather than the inclusion of the youngMichael Jackson lookalike, and now United bench warmer.

It was the German 'superstars' or 'superstars,' if you prefer the German translation, which is essentially the same word with a German accent, that took an early, deserved lead. A two goal lead in fact, as Gotze was pulled down inside the box to enable Thomas Müller to pick up where he left off in South Africa, and put a colourful Adidas football into a goal, before Mats Hummels smashed a header past Portugal's Rui Patricio, who was fortunate not to be punished by Sami Khedira, after the Real Madrid midfielder missed an open goal that the Portugal goalkeeper kindly gift-wrapped for him, and delivered via an awful clearance.

At two-nil, it was already looking bleak for Portugal, but the last thing they needed to do was lose their heads. Instead, serial maniac, Pepe, used his head to butt Müller, and immediately saw red, in what was possibly the most stupid decision made by a player at this years finals so far. There was a long list later reeled out on BBC of all the people that Pepe had let down, ranging from his teammates, Ronaldo in particular, and the rest of the entire population of Portugal, as Germany went on to administer severe punishment, winning 4-0 and barely breaking a sweat, despite the Brazilian heat, which according to British media seems to be on the same level of heat as the Sahara Desert, the inside of a volcano, or the sun.

Even the referee's expression says; 'You really are a dickhead aren't you...'

In spite of Pepe's ridiculous behaviour, Portugal's lack of attacking threat bar Ronaldo, more awful goalkeeping from Rui Patricio, and the fact they had an extra 'superstar' on the pitch, Germany did still look impressive and have to be considered serious contenders. Müller could well be on course for a second Golden Boot as well, meaning he could soon be playing in solid gold footwear, providing FIFA give him a left-boot this time to accompany the right-boot he won in 2010.