(Via @FootballCliches)
When Greenwich Mean Time +1 hit 5pm, the football commenced as renowned good defenders, Greece, met an attacking Falcao-less Colombia. Praised pre-game for such a well organised defensive unit, Greece defended poorly. Perhaps, like me, they were still in shock at how they won Euro 2004, standing still with open-wide mouths instead of marking and pressing and all that defence-y stuff, as Colombia breached the Greek 'unit' on three occasions. This resulted in arguably the best celebration of the tournament thus far, enjoy it now before it appears on Twitter via the 'Sport Bible', saying something like 'When you score in the last minute on FIFA', or 'when you see your mate fingering a bird' or maybe with something even more 'hashtag LAD' than that.
'WHEN YOU'RE DRINKING BEER AND PLAYING FIFA AND ENJOYING SOME CASUAL SEXISM AND BEING A MASSIVE #LAD.' http://vine.co/v/MIZD3PqJOBt
The next leg of the journey was the conclusion of the Will-Luis-Suarez-play-saga (until Uruguay vs England anyway, when it will evolve from a saga to Will-Luis-Suarez-play-mania.), also known as Uruguay versus Costa Rica. A nation whose most recognisable personality is former Derby striker, Paolo Wanchope, Costa Rica were expected to be the whipping boys of group D, an expectation they carried up til the second half of this match, as they trailed a Uruguay side with a Suarez-shaped hole in their strike force all the way up til the 54th minute. Arsenal's Joel Campbell equalised for the CONCACAF nation, who didn't just go on to upset the odds, but angered them greatly, beating the 2010 semi-finalists 3-1 and removing their whipping boys tag. The odds weren't the only things that were upset though, so was Uruguay full-back Maxi Pereira, whose frustration spilled all the way into his legs, as he kicked out at Joel Campbell and in exchange was given a red card in the 94th minute of the game. Whether or not any Uruguayans cracked the 'we only had ten men excuse' as a joke is unknown, but I hope someone did just to lighten the mood.
Then, it was finally time. England. Italy. Pirlo. Gerrard. Balotelli. Rooney. But no Gigi Buffon. The legendary Italian keeper and captain was ruled out during the outrageously long time we all had to wait for the game, as a result of the revoltingly late kick-off time. A kick-off time which incidently meant that millions of fans in England were sure to be heavily intoxicated before the national anthems, or even BBC's montage-heavy coverage, had begun.
3 minutes in and already there was euphoria. Raheem Sterling exploded into the World Cup with a pacey dribble and powerful shot which crashed into the net from some distance. We all cheered, hugged, screamed, spilt drinks and for a split second maybe even envisioned Steven Gerrard lifting the World Cup on July 13th. But it actually went just wide, it was all an illusion. A nation used to holding it's breath, all exhaled a sigh simultaneously, likely to have made CO2 emissions rise.
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| Possibly both the most unfunny, yet most factual meme of all time. |
But our bright start continued, Welbeck, Rooney, Sterling and Sturridge's movement was making all Italians a little nervous. All Italians except Andrea Pirlo, for he is incapable of such an emotion. But it still wasn't enough, Marchisio's long range drive zipped across the over fertilised, green-painted grass of Manaus, and past Joe Hart. Not as good a Sterling's goal earlier, but definitely impressive. Doom and gloom again for England. Same old same old. Until less than two minutes later when Sturridge equalised, an underrated through ball from Sterling, before an excellent left-footed cross from the left wing from Wayne Rooney who 'is rubbish at left wing', found the England number 9 in the middle whose carefully controlled right-footed half volley triggered cheers, hugs, screams and spilt drinks, and on this occasion, a broken ankle for the over-celebrating physio within the England ranks. A World Cup first.
After the dancing had stopped and ambulance called, play resumed, and some weathering of storms was required. Our post was struck, and Balotelli lifted a chip over Joe Hart with a ridiculous amount of swag, which Jagielka did well to clear before Goal Line Technology was triggered. But in the second half, an Italian-affected-ball did cross the line, this time from the unmistakable head of Balotelli. I don't think anyone will ever know fully what's going on inside the realms of Mario's head, I like to think it's filled with visions of psychadellic flowers and peace signs, and that he sees a parallel universe in which it's acceptable to set off fireworks indoors, but whatever occurs inside his head is insignificant, it was the outside of his head which the Brazuca football connected with, before tucking itself into the England goal.
As usual with England a variety of questions and debates erupted after the result, one which was leaving the lips of many and still is, is the 'should Wayne Rooney start debacle,' a query which could soon rival other England classics such as 'how to solve our left-sided problem' and 'whether or not Gerrard and Lampard can play together.' I agree that he had to start versus Italy, I think after all, he deserved at least one more chance before the gravitational pull of the bench should be released onto him, and he didn't play too bad either. But defensively, he didn't protect Leighton Baines enough. And this, added to that miss in the second half, multiplied by possibly the worst corner ever taken by someone other than Iago Aspas, equals a less than impressive performance on the whole, and possible dropping.
For anyone with some football enthusiasm still left in them before bed time, there was still Ivory Coast vs Japan, and a sense of relief as we could sink back into our chairs and enjoy the wonders of being a neutral again. Keisuke Honda tuned his machine like left-foot, seemingly incapable of error, and fired Japan into a first half lead, to delight these people, dressed as things...
It was then the left foot of Ivory Coast left-back, Artur Boka which came to attention. First it was used to curl a free-kick close, then to hit a longe-range effort so hard, when it was saved by the Japan keeper, a tremendous slapping noise echoed around all of Brazil.
The Africans hit back however, the introduction of their God-like figure, Didier Drogba seemed to lift them mentally, if not physically. Two excellent crosses were delivered from the right wing, and both met with goal-scoring headers, the first of the head of Swansea's Wilfried Bony, and the second off the enormous forehead of Gervinho, sparking more jubilant celebrations. A strong finish in the final straight, as we dragged ourselves over the line and into bed, after this football marathon, with a final time of about 12 hours.
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| Gervinho slides over the line on his knees, to complete the World Cup Marathon of 2014 |
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