Premier League Month by Month Season Review: August

I'm hoping these posts will be as easily consumable, entertaining and of the same standard of 'Season Summary-ness' as an episode of Premier League Years, except with less nostalgia and Georgie Thompson voice overs. Pundits, newspapers and most predominantly adverts for various Sky Sports Super Sundays told us over and over again that this has been the most exciting season in years, with a mixture of unpredictable games, a relegation battle which felt as if it included every team outside the top four, and a title race which whoever's 'hands it was in', seemed to be never ending.

But end it did, and start it did, in...

August

The start of the season is always exciting, cliches tell us that all fans are full to the brim with optimism, no matter where they finished on the league ladder the previous season, or how many players they didn't sign. New kits, freshly cut grass and August sunshine make the first weekend one of the prettiest times of the season, even though most eyes were focused on the deepening wrinkles of David Moyes, as for the first time in 26, oh so long years, a Manchester United team wasn't being sent out by Sir Alex Ferguson. But, after a Charity Shield win against European giants, Wigan Athletic, and a convincing first Premier League win against Swansea, the revoltingly cringeworthy and newly dubbed; 'Moyes' Boys' made the perfect start, what could possibly go wrong for 'The Chosen One?' Not to mention the ingenious and in no way a panic-buy purchase, of tenacious, 'goal scoring' midfielder, Marouane Fellaini, for a bargain price of just 27 million pounds... of real money, actually out of someone's bank account... for Fellaini.

Moving away from new managers and onto old, it only took 90 minutes of Arsenal's season to eclipse before mutterings of 'Wenger out' were heard, a new record. A 1-3 home defeat to Aston Villa was to blame for this, and an apparent crisis appeared to be unraveling already at the Emirates, according to just about everyone on TV that is, anyway. However, Arsenal, like United, dug deep into their pockets to find some loose change to spend late in the transfer window, with Mesut Ozil joining for £42.5 million, ready to set the Premier League on fire, or at least increase it's climate to just above room temperature.

Sticking with the transfer window, on #DeadlineDay, new Everton manager, Roberto Martinez was even busier than Jim White in the Sky Sports News studio, making three late signings for Mr White to yell down the camera at us like some kind of possessed, grey-haired mad man, gaining a sexual thrill from the transfer activity of professional football clubs. James McCarthy joined from Wigan, whilst Gareth Barry came from City on loan, and perhaps most interestingly, Romelu Lukaku was captured on loan from Chelsea as a whole lot more than just a 'like-for-like' replacement for Victor Anichebe, who left for West Brom. All this combined with the retaining of the world's only 'playmaker-left-back', Leighton Baines, and the sale of Fellaini, concluded a superb #DeadlineDay for Everton, who had started the campaign slowly.

Jim White ejaculating, 3 hours, 48 minutes and 52 seconds, prematurely.

Meanwhile, Liverpool's results looked like they were just copy and pasting, with three 'One nil, Sturridges' on the spin, the last, and most impressive of the three coming at Anfield against The Chosen One's Moyes' Boys. The England striker and his silly dance was successfully filling the void of Luis Suarez, as he continued his ban for chomping on Ivanovic, at the end of last season.

If Arsenal were in crisis, Sunderland were on the brink of 'folding' like a North Hants Premier Division under 14s team whose players had all discovered alcohol and Xbox. Paolo Di Canio's totalitarian style seemed to be too extreme for the players, and when news leaked about the Italian 'banning Tomato Ketchup' from the players' meals, it appeared he had gone too far. Months earlier, apparent 'bad boy', Phil Bardsley (or bardoman26), was pictured laying on his back in a casino, covered in money like an evil villain from a bad Bond film, and now he was openly mocking his teams start to the season via Instagram, and a lot of 'Hahahahahahas' and exclamation marks. A relegation battle was looming for the Black Cats!!! Hahahaha!!!

#Instabant

Here's how the Premier League table looked, after the opening month. *Georgie Thompson voice*

Liverpool shot to the top whilst Arsenal recovered from crisis to find fourth (SHOCK!), Everton started life slowly under Martinez and there was a feeling that it was going to be a long season for the soon to become apparent nutcase, Di Canio's Sunderland. There was also a collection of teams placed from 7th to 12th with the feeling that the season could go a lot better, but undoubtedly at lot worse, after winning, losing and drawing one of their first three games.

What did August teach us? The first games of the season aren't as important as made out by Sky Sports' pundits and other men sat in studios, Arsenal started disastrously and still found fourth place by the end of the month, United whacked Swansea 4-1, and slumped to seventh by the time September arrived.