Unforgettable Forgettable XI: Volume 1

One of my favourite things about my brain is how it absorbs almost all football related information, like some kind of Encyclopedaeic sponge*.

*Encyclopedaeic Sponge (noun)

Abstract metaphor to describe the way in which someone or something contains a vast amount of information, gained by simply existing.

It's this somewhat underwhelming party trick (or super power if you will), that has allowed me to recall so many footballers that many people prefer/try to forget.

Here's some starting elevens made up of players most fans forget, whether it be due to a short spell at the club, not living up to their 'wonderkid' billing or 'world class potential', or maybe it's because they were complete and utter dog shit...

Dog shit.

...ooh or maybe they got sacked after snorting coke. (Adrian Mutu.)

Manchester United 

I'll start with the champions, what's interesting about their eleven is that they have two goalkeepers, mainly due to the fact they've signed so many brittle fingered keepers down the years, but also because they're so revoltingly appalling that having two of them in between the sticks wouldn't even help.

GK (1) - Massimo Taibi: who did this. (Wait for it.)

GK (2) - Roy Carroll: who did this. Remarkably held down a first team spot for quite a while whilst Ferguson looked elsewhere for a replacement, Chelsea won the league comfortably during this period, scoring against Carroll themselves enough times. Currently 3rd keeper at Olympiakos, where he'll soon feature in their own 'Forgotten XI.'

Left United, married Shakira.

DEF - Gerard Pique: Sir Alex didn't fancy him as a future starter at the centre of United's defence, preferring Johnny Evans perhaps? Since leaving Old Trafford he's become a key part of Barcelona, arguably the best footballing side on the planet, and has won 4 La Liga titles, 2 Champions Leagues, a European Championship and a World Cup and married Shakira. He's not Johnny Evans though...

DEF - Jonathan Spector: Yo-yo'd between the United bench and reserve team as well as being loaned out. So just about everywhere but the United first team, he's in this forgotten eleven though. "Take a seat John, stay away from Roy Carroll, he's weird..."

DEF - Danny Higginbotham: One of the biggest names in football, sadly only literally. Played for many red and white striped teams after leaving United. (Saints, Sunderland, Stoke and Sheffield United.) Now captain of Gibraltar, because they somehow have enough of a population to string together a football team.

Higginbotham; big name. Bigger ears.

MID - Bebe: Personally I think this signing was so poor that Sir Alex's reputation should be tarnished and his red face, forgotten. Maybe a slight exaggeration but he cost £7 million pounds and is a classic example of a 'wonderkid' (as mentioned earlier), turning out to be 'utter dog shit.' Also still at the club.

MID - Eric Djema-Djemba: 'An African player who impressed at 2002 World Cup in Japan and South Korea, was signed by a top English side and severely flopped' will be a running theme in this post, but Eric was one of the worst. Labelled himself the 'next Roy Keane,' signed for St. Mirren the other day.

MID - Kleberson: More Chris Samba than Brazillian samba, another attempt at replacing Roy Keane which went wrong, and was luckily almost forgotten. Almost. Consistently below average, terrified of progressing towards the oppositions goal, whether it be via passing or dribbling, and about as useful in a tackle as a spoon in a sword fight, the Brazillian Tom Cleverley, if you will.

MID - Johnathan Greening: Signed from York City as a youngster, ended up on the bench for the 1999 Champions' League final. Became a very handy utility player... at West Brom.

Rossi being unsure of whether he's Italian or American.

ATT - Guisseppe Rossi: Signed as a promising American striker, never got a lot of game time and left for Villareal, where he became a prolific Italian striker. Has started to fade away again once more, but an Italian striker much more useful than Federico Macheda, is rumoured to be making a transfer to Man United's Forgotten XI.

ATT - David Bellion: Made Forlan look like a goalscorer during his time at United, and there is no stronger words I can say than that. Now 31, playing for Bordeaux. Well, training at Bordeaux, but sitting on the bench, watching his teammates play.

Liverpool

The Kop has had the pleasure of proving background noise for some of the greatest players in the history of the game, Dalglish, Keegan, Rush, Biscan...

GK - Pegguy Arphexad: Amazingly won 6 winners' medals at Liverpool, all as an unused substitute. According to Wikipedia he's now an actor in Guadeloupe, which is arguably the strangest sentence you'll read today.

DEF - Josemi: Rafa Benitez's first signing, a long haired right back signed to give the great Steve Finnan a run for his money. He was favoured to the Irishman early on in the 2004-05 season, before seemingly falling off the face of the earth, only to reemerge to pick up a Champions League Winners' medal after Jerzy Dudek's penalty heroics in Istanbul. 

DEF - Abel Xavier: Continuing the hair-theme, a fascinating barnet also sat on the head of this defender. Signed for Liverpool from Everton in January 2002, he became the first player to play in a Merseyside derby for both teams inside the same season. Although his performances may be forgotten, his face won't be. (See below.)

Abel Xavier: His appearance stood out, yet his ability was far from outstanding.

DEF - Mauricio Pellegrino: Another Benitez signing, he was signed as an experienced centre back and already a good friend of Rafa, so much so he actually became assistant manager at Anfield. In fact, he was a member of the backroom staff for longer than he was a player, and even that wasn't long.

LEFT BACK - Take Your Pick: Andrea Dossenna, Fabio Aurelio, Gregory Vignal, Stephen Warnock, Markus Babbel, Christian Ziege, Emiliano Insua, Bjorn Tore Kvarme or Djimi Traore? The latter is my favourite, in a position Liverpool still haven't really filled to it's fullest in decades, bar a spell where John Arne Riise looked adequate, Djimi Traore took more criticism than the other eight mentioned combined, but came out the other end with a Champions League Winners' medal after playing his part in defensive shutouts against Juventus, Chelsea and the 'good half' of the final.

Diouf's saliva missile at Celtic fans

MID - El Hadji Diouf: Probably against his will, I'll put Diouf in midfield, a decision which would be likely to leave my face tainted by his saliva, for he was more likely to be seen hitting his enemies face with spit, than to be hitting the back of the net. The former Senegal international was one of many to impress at the World Cup in Japan and South Korea, only to flop in the Premier League like an obese seal. 

MID - Salif Diao: Like Djemba-Djemba and Diouf before he, Salif was another who somehow caught the eye of Premier League scouts in the 2002 World Cup. Renowned for winning the ball back, he became more well known for giving the ball away. Don't know if he was given a Champions League medal in 2005, but he was part of the celebrations, I remember him wearing a bandana for some reason. 

Salif Diao can be seen three-heads to the left of Gerrard, sporting stranger headwear than John Arne Riise, a head and a half to Stevie's right.

Lee Carsley feeling an Igor Biscan tackle

MID - Igor Biscan: The Liverpool edition of these squads certainly contains the most Champions League winners, which leaves you wondering, what was the real miracle of Istanbul? Coming back from 3 nil down against an A-list AC Milan team of footballing royalty, or winning the competition with the likes of Diao, Josemi, Traore and this man, Igor Biscan in the camp. Another defensive midfielder who seemed to get a kick out of giving a spherical gift to the opposition, yet Igor will always be somewhat of a cult hero at Anfield, although possibly best known for being exposed by Lee Carsley in a Merseyside derby. 

MID - Richie Partridge: Dubbed as a 'promising winger' for the majority of his career, don't ever recall him making a first team appearance after graduating from the Academy. Saw more short term loan deals than Wonga's clients, my main memory of him is due an LFC Christmas carol, which concluded with the genius line; '...and a Richie Partridge on loan at Coventry,' rather than 'a bird no one has ever seen in real life, situated in a pear tree.'*

*not 100% accurate lyrics to Christmas jingle.

ATT - Erik Meijer: A Dutch target man who was kept out of the team by two of the clubs greatest ever goal scorers, Owen and Fowler. Meijer rarely appeared and even more rarely scored, ended up on a loan deal at Preston North End at the age of 30, where he didn't score.

ATT - Neil Mellor: A product of the academy, grew up a distance away from the ground which can be compared to the distance a stone could travel when thrown, scoring goals from an early age, Neil Mellor ticked all of the boxes of becoming a fan favourite on the Kop, yet a mixture of injuries and lack of first team chances meant it never materialised. Has since retired at a young age due to injuries and now a pundit on LFC TV and Sky Sports, will always be remembered in my brain for his late winner at Arsenal.