Day 13; An almost 'bite-pun-free' roundup.

Was today even a day? Like, there was the England game, in all it's mind numbingly depressing glory, then Luis Suarez bit someone again, then there were some other games afterwards, I think. After checking BBC Sports' results page, I can tell you in hindsight that today was the day that as well as Group D's ugly curtain coming down, was also filled with Japan versus Colombia and Greece against Ivory Coast.

To the tune of; 'Don't look back in anger, I heard you say.'

But undoubtedly the main even kicked off at 5pm as England's 'young lions', so, cubs, opened up the surprise package, Costa Rica. Sadly, inside the package was a dull game, despite containing England's first point of these finals. Insult to injury for those among us who remain optimistic, defend Roy, defend Rooney and defend the way we defend, as our loyalty was still not rewarded with anything to shout about, other than an appeal for a penalty when Sturridge, on the cusp of surely scoring, was tripped up, to the disinterest of the referee. 

Simultaneously, another rather dull game was being carried out. In contrast to England-Costa Rica though, this may have been due to the nerves of what Italy and Uruguay were playing for, rather than the so called 'pride' that we were competing for, which is just a gift-wrapped way to describe having nothing to play for. England's conquerors were playing for the final Group D place in the last 16, after the first one was stolen (fairly) by Costa Rica. However, a draw would've been enough for the Italians, famous for being able to frustrate the world's greatest strikers, throwing clean sheets over them regularly when needed. And they literally did frustrate the world's greatest striker, the very frustratable, Luis Suarez.

With less than ten minutes to go, his country needed a goal to make all of his hard work worthwhile, not just in destroying England, but on the training ground and medical rooms to even get fit for this World Cup. The anger and deep, deep content this could cause on a player is obviously serious, especially in the adrenaline-filled mania that is professional sport, but not for the first time, the way Luis Suarez dealt with all this was simply unthinkable and inexcusable, especially considering he'd done this all already. Twice.

This picture genuinely makes me feel sad 

Suarez took a bite out of Georgio Chiellini as the two tangled inside the box, and in doing so, created the biggest controversy of the World Cup so far. The weird thing is, this tenacious, almost animalistic side to the Liverpool striker was supposed to have been well and truly tamed. A year on after sinking his teeth into Branislav Ivanovic, the impact of Rodgers' arm around Suarez and other man management methods had turned his disciplinary record around. Missing a chunk of the season, Suarez returned to football in October, instantly winning back the respect of many, scoring goal after goal and bar a Gerrard slip and Crystal Palace collapse, would've possibly fired Liverpool all the way back to the top, picking up the PFA Player of the Year award in the process. Along the way, we all got an insight into his lime, the negative attention allowed us to see Suarez, the family man, a seemingly genuine nice guy, albeit with a nasty temper.

Which leads this quizzical onlooker to thinking, surely this little genius of a footballer is actually a bit mental? I find it hard to believe, a man clearly so intelligent within his field, likeable off the pitch as far as I'm aware, (through such thorough research as a FourFourTwo interview with him and what Stevie G says about him) would really have an underlying evil enough side to him to think it's logical and justifiable to bite an opponent. Of course what he did is in no way defendable, but rather than trying to disgrace this man, maybe an element of sympathy should be donated as well, for there is undoubtedly something going on in Luis Suarez's fascinating brain that we, and maybe even he himself, does not quite understand.

Away from psychology, the match was settled by Diego Godin, shortly after Suarez's gnaw, and Uruguay qualified for the last sixteen at the expense of Italy, who many raved about after they narrowly beat England, maybe an indication of just poor we really are currently. Another indication was the final result in the previously mentioned dull-affair with Costa Rica, which despite the attacking prowess in our weaponry, finished nil-nil.

Not how a happy ending to a World Cup looks

The day's later events featured Greece's late gasp victory against Ivory Coast and consequent qualification to the the knockout round for the first, with the uncomfortably feminine looking Giorgos Samaras converting a softly awarded late penalty. Greece were yet to score in their campaign before this game and progressed on the traditional 'skin on their teeth' total, that is fourn points, at the expense of their African opponents. The other group C game's final score was much more one sided. Colombia, one of the most impressive and enjoyable teams to watch at these finals so far, defeated Japan by four goals to one, with help of yet another classy display from James Rodriguez, typified with the piffest of piffy goals. Already with two assists earlier in the match, the youngster whose name is pronounced 'Ha-Mez,' not James, ran onto the ball with a defender blocking his route to goal, with a jig-like shimmy the last man was thrown the wrong way before Rodriguez just lifted this deft chip over the keeper's head and peeled away to celebrate the most suave goal of the World Cup 2014. But all of this was eclipsed by a Uruguayan man biting an Italian, and all of the easy puns in headlines that it has caused. Food for thought?

Piff goal.

Day 12; Group A and B conclude, in non-alphabetical order

The final round of group games have arrived, and qualifications and plane tickets home are set to all be confirmed. Whilst minnows such as Englamd and Spain may already know their doomed fate, and heavyweights like Costa Rica already have one eye on the knock-outs, day 12 saw three teams play who are yet to confirm a top two finish in group A. Group B's matters had already been settled, with Holland and Chile qualifying ahead of Australia and Spain as they end their golden era, fittingly dressed in all black. (Ignore the fluorescent trimmings.) However the final placing of the two qualifiers was yet to be confirmed, and depending on who finished top, the chances of meeting Brazil, should they qualify, hung.

This meant the colourful-fan-derby between Netherlands and Chile, was key to the final group B standings, with a draw for the Oranje being enough to keep them above the Football Hipster's pick. The match itself was a "tactical" encounter, an adjective used by those in a studio who don't want to admit that a game has been dull. Chile possessed a large majority of the ball, but left enough men back to survive the expected counter-attacks that were so effective for the Dutch when they conquered Spain. Yet, on the counter Holland were still a threat, via the everlasting and always increasing pace of Arjen Robben, who predictably flew across the pitch diagonally from right to left, to angle a shot on his favoured foot, which he dragged just wide.

Colourful.

Meanwhile, Spain versus Australia had a testimonial feel to it, with David Villa, Spain's record goalscorer and general legend, playing his last game for his country, and fittingly marked it with another goal, stretching him another strike ahead of any other legendary Spanish striker or Fernando Torres. Also making their international bow, was the elegant Xabi Alonso, as the pass master mastered his last pass, on the international stage at least. The holders actually finally put in a champions-ish performance, albeit against a somewhat second-string Australia side, arguably the weakest of second-strings available in Brazil, likely to tear under any great pressure. On 69 minutes, Torres pulled the strings apart further, adding a second Spanish goal with a neat finish, sparking exclamations of; "He's back to his best," few seriously and hopefully mainly in irony.

Villa and Alonso, standing back upright after making their 'international bow.'

Back in São Paulo, Netherlands and Chile's deadlock had finally been broken, via an unlikely source considering his employers, Norwich City's Leroy Fer. The substitute leapt above the factually tiny Chile tea,, and power a header into the extreme-right hand side of the net. Yet another #SuperSub in this tournament, possible evidence of the humid conditions tiring those outfield all game long, emphasising the fresh-legged and in this case, fresh headed, substitutes effects on the outcome of the match. This goal on 77 minutes, all but secured Holland's position as group leaders, before Robben's outstanding pace yet again flung him through, this time to provide an assit for yet again a substitute, to score. Memphis Depay was the man apply the tap-in, his second of the tournament which hit the back of the net ten minutes after Juan Mata had added a third Spain goal in their simultaneously played match.

Then it was time for 'Everything to play for Group A,' incidently taking place after group B had concluded, the alphabet is said to be furious. Cameroon had experienced an awful World Cup so far, including no goals scored, a terribly stupendous red card for Alex Song and fighting between teammates on the field. Forgiveness could be issue to those who assume the scenes inside the dressing room are even worse. However, after ruining their own tournament, they still had the ability to ruin everyone else's by causing a shock defeat to Brazil which could not only knock the hosts out, but trigger a rise in riots and general national uproar already situated in the country. At times it looked like that was possible, the team with only the abstract noun, pride, to play for, caused Brazil's defence a few problems, out-pacing the paciest defence.

Mr. World Cup 2014, Neymar, put Brazil ahead with a composed finish with the most text book of text book side-foot finishes. But after Thiago Silva hit his own cross bar, and along with other chances created, Cameroon pulled back to severely panic everyone. Whilst all this was happening, there was still a stalemate between Mexico and Croatia in their decider, the winner would guarantee a place in the next round, but more interestingly for us neutrals was the effect that fixture could have on Brazil's qualification, especially as both games were finely poised in the balance.

But, Neymar, with all the pressure on bis team but let's be honest, mainly him, continued to run this tournament. Some said he wasn't that great despite his two goals against Croatia, prbably the same people who say he was poor against Mexico, but surely no-one can dispute just how good he was here. He skipped through and applied a goalkeeper-deceiving finish to put Brazil back in control, and put him as the front runner to try on the Golden Boot. On the confidence of this, he produced a section of skilful play, 'YouTube search: Neymar Skills and Goals' worthy, controlling a high ball well, flicking over and opponents head afterwards, then charismatically over his own head to pass to another yellow shirt, before making an off the ball run which ensured him possession again, which he welcomed with feint touch off the outside of his foot to complete another pass, spinning full circle whilst doing so, arguably the move of the World Cup so far. All that was missing was another return to the number 10, and the net bulging.

To execute such skill, whilst apparently holding the weight of the world on his shoulders, or at least that of Brazil

The hosts went on to dominate, punishing Cameroon who dropped back into their bad habits of poor defending and simply poor football-ing. A Brazil-esque move after Mbia squandered possession rounded the game off, securing their place in the last 16 against Chile. Back in Arena Pernambuco (named after Juninho possibly? The guy with the free-kicks?), Mexico's World Cup veteran Rafa Marquez headed them into the lead, to delight his neckless, extravagant manager, Miguel Herrera. Then, with their World Cup very much on the slide, Croatia crumbled. Mexico went 3-nil up in a matter of ten minutes after scoring the opener, and although Perisic pulled a goal back for the Croats, their campaign still finished on a down note as Rebic was given a classic 'red card out of frustration' before the final whistle blew.

Day 11; Random Goalfest and the odds-on-outsiders-surprise-package-favourites-in-the-shape-of-dark-horses

The odds-on-outsiders-surprise-package-favourites-in-the-shape-of-dark-horses were on show again, this time versus Russia and Fabio Capello, trying to overcome his apparent World Cup voodoo. That was the day's first match, it's last saw USMNT face Portugal in an entertaining tie. However, the most exciting game of the day was sandwiched between these two matches, as Algeria and South Korea finally created the 'Random Goalfest' that I'd been falsely predicting would happen in games previous.

Capello either very sad or asleep.

The goal glut begun with a long ball over the Korean defence, which relied on Islan Slimani's pace to make the pass involved a good one. Latching onto the bouncing ball and emerging in between two opposition defenders, he opened the scoring on 26 minutes, lifting the ball ever so slightly over the goalkeeper's noggin. The lead was doubled when the same keeper made an abysmal decision to jump into the air and wait, to attempt to receive a corner. Halliche interrupted the goalie's plan, and headed Algeria into a two-nil lead. Rattled by this sudden collapse, South Korea's defence struggled to recover and dealt nervously with any long balls were fired towards them, and a third goal was conceded as the result of another failure to make a clearance, Slimani's composed pass and Djabou's finish. 3-0 at half time.

Algeria cruising, like the classic aeroplane celebration above

The general conception at the interval was that South Korea would need an early goal, similar to Liverpool vs AC Milan, Istanbul, 2005, which I've only mentioned once already in these Wolrd Cup blogs. And an early goal did come, the highly rated but so far ineffective, Son Heung-min was fortunate to control the ball on the back of head/neck/back, before beating his marker and applying a precise finish, through the legs of M'Bohli in the Algerian goal. Comeback on?

Nope. 12 minutes later, the three-goal cushion, in fact more like a three-goal barricade, was restored. Brahimi played a one-two to open the Korea defence, which had only been on the latch anyway, before rounding off the goal of the game with a tidy finish. But the fun wasn't over there, as Koo Ja-Cheol scrambled another goal over the line to return the deficit to two goals, and promote this game from a five-goal affair, to a six-goal thriller. #RandomGoalfest.

Taking plaudits for the Goalfest.

Other than the conceding of a penalty, Belgium's second match of their group campaign was etchings similar to their first, as they struggled to find any real rhythm in their play, and only advice from the punditry on show was to 'get Eden Hazard on the ball more.' Yet even getting the Chelsea player on the ball more was unlikely to liven this game up, with the slow tempo and frequent mistakes being greeted with boos and whistles from the neutral Brazilians in the crowd, spoilt by the vast amount entertaining football that has been in offer up until now. 

Comparisons with this fixture could be made with England versus USA in 2010, Algeria against England in 2010, and the 2010 meeting of England and Slovenia. And what do you know? Capello happened to be involved in all three of those dull sporting events. As well as Brazilian boo-boys, there was also the occasional sleeper in the crowd, caught delightfully by TV cameras.

The saviour of Belguim, and the game of football, came in the shape of 19 year old, Divock Origi, on as a sub for the again disappointing, and angry on the bench, Romelu Lukaku, who like the rest of his team, has failed to live up to pre-tournament expectations. Origi's goal came in the 88th minute, with the number seventeen applying the finish to Hazard's pull back, revelling in the tactical genius that was to 'get Hazard on the ball... more.'

"...and then they, give you the ball more."

The United States of America or the USMNT as they're referred to when it comes to 'soccer,' met Portugal on the back of their damaging defeat to Germany. However, it was the morally damaged side who took the lead, through a certain tricky winger, once of Sporting Lisbon, and one of the true footballing superstars of our generation; Nani. If you thought it was Ronaldo I wouldn't be surprised as Phil Neville in the BBC studio claims, there is little in terms of ability between the pair, just one of his baffling opinions he offered during coverage of the game. 

There were more strange goings on in the stadium, Clint Dempsey, a player who seemed to be past his prime about two years ago, was leading the States brilliantly up front, playing with youth behind his years, and a broken nose. He was the only one with a facial injury, Football Hipster God, Raul Meireles injured his exquisite beard in a collision with the dreadlocked Beckerman.

#BeardProblems

After half-time, an even game in statistics came an even game on the scoreboard, as a powerful shot from the alliteratingly named, Jermaine Jones beat Beto in Portugal's goal, who was favoured to the awful Rui Patricio. Then, further pain for Portugal and their captain who seemed to be having a bad day at the office/football stadium in Manaus, Brazil. Somewhat of a scramble in the box, with shots and blocks exchanging blows, eventually found Clint Dempsey's stars and stripes covered chest, and rolled over the line to send all of America, or at least Chicago, into scenes of elation.

Chicago thinks soccer rules

The lead held until seconds left, a lead which would've guaranteed American qualification if it had lasted those extra moments. Cristiano Ronaldo was allowed ample time and space on the right hand flank, to produce a flash of brilliance when his team needed it most, similar to Messi, although less obviously spectacular. CR7 as he's referred to for merchandise and branding reasons, whipped in a perfect cross for Varela, who was left with a simple header thanks to the quality of the ball, Beckham-esque. A point for each team leaves USA needing a draw at least against Coach Klinsmann's fellow Germans, whereas Portugal will need a victory against Ghana and US defeat to make Ronaldo's World Cup dreams come true in movie style fashion.

Day 10; Messi and the Power Horse

Iran versus Argentina was either going to be a five nil victory for the favourites with a Messi hat-trick, or a tedious affair of attack against defence where commenators frequently state that it's going to require 'something special' to make the breakthrough, and "Messi is the man provide that." Predictions for the Germany-Ghana fixture didn't offer an alternative to a win for the overwhelming favourites, unless of course it was the opinion of a Ghana fan revelling in the spotlight of a BBC camera. Aside from passionate predictions of pedestrians, the BBC's coverage contained montages of the 100 World Cup goals Germany have scored in their history, whilst the closest thing to a Mercedes advert that the channel could possibly air accompanied it, to highlight the mechanic-like efficiency of the Germans down the years, further evidence of the perception that they were incapable of slipping up against a Ghana team, cruelly robbed of a point by an over dramatic late winner by USA. Also to mention in this long winded introduction, is Nigeria versus Bosnia, the late night football for those with no Saturday night plans.

As mentioned previously, Iran and Argentina's meeting could go two ways, and unfortunately it went in the direction of a tedious match. Argentina unsurprisingly had the majority of possession, but as we often see, this does not mean it's easy to break sides down, especially sides as compact as the passengers on the London Underground between the hours of 8 and 9, or Iran.

Carlos Queiroz's team had all ready shut out Nigeria in the dullest game of the competition to date, and unless the listed after 'something special' occurred, were in danger of doing the same to an attacking Argentina side boasting, Aguero, Higuain, Di Maria, as well as Lionel Messi, longing to Maradona this World Cup. However his side lacked a cutting edge or a turn of pace that is so hard to simply conjure up when the opposition sit back so patiently, with a suction-tight midfield and defence begin the ball.

In fairness to Iran, they attempted to counter on occasion, with the pace of Dejagah allowing them to trouble the Argentina back four, committed to helping the attack. The game could've been very different if the referee had awared a deceivingly stone wall penalty, for Zabaleta's connecting with Dejagah, rather than ball. Iran also had other attempts on goal, but Romero in the Argentine goal rejected what would've been the most famous goal in Iran's football history, eclipsing those in the political match-up with USA in 1998.

But the ball still spent many more minutes up the other end of the field, eluding the goal on several occasions. The minutes ticked on and on, past 80 minutes, 90 minutes and into injury time as the game looked set to supply another victory/draw for the bus parkers, until...

Messi finally gets it as his feet, on the right of the box, skips past a defender like he does with such ease, almost as if he places his palm on the opposition's forehead with a stretched out arm, making it embarrassingly impossible for them to tackle him. Then he didn't release or striker, more like stroked a frighteningly accurate shot which curled into the top corner. 1 nil to Argentina, qualification confirmed and a possibly crucial moment in the tournament if Messi is to push on make this World Cup his own.

Germany's expected display of efficiency, ruthlessness and other words of German connotations aired next. The first half, and second half for that matter, was an even contest though. The low-socked and seemingly but surely not actually, shinpad-less goal scoring machine that is Thomas Müller went close with a sliding effort in the first half, before Muntari unlike Messi, did release a powerful left footed strike, which Neuer palmed away. 

But 'Ze Germanz,' to quote Lock Stock, in an attempt to show you all how much of a geezer I am, did take the lead. Müller, whose name I love using the 'ü' for, turned provider as he crossed in the assist for Mario Gotze to score a """""""header."""""""

Then, an outstanding game of World Cup football emerged, yet again in this remarkable, watchable tournament that has been worth all the late nights and early mornings with Adrian Chiles thus far. Andre Ayew did actually cleanly connect with a header to unexpectedly equalise for Ghana. And if the equaliser was unexpected, their next goal must've caused an astute stress reaction among the public, better known as 'shock.' Asamoah Gyan, formerly of Sunderland, now of Al Ain in the Arabian Gulf League, scoring goals and many Arabian dollars, put Ghana a goal ahead with a composed finish and composed enough celebration, to carry out a dance for everyone to enjoy. Everyone except Germany.

Typically though, they cut the joy short with a monumental goal from Miroslav Klose, who equalised Ronaldo's record of 15 World Cup goals. Whilst his goals may not possess some of the flair and brilliance of the Brazilian legend's, and his trademark front flip celebration may not now reach the full 360 degrees, it's hard to deny what an immense goal scorer Klose has been, as well as being an easy man to build puns off. In the end, a draw was if not arguably, at least a welcomed result for spectators not holding German citizenship, bar Kevin-Prince Boateng who played for Ghana against brother, Jerome. However, Germany did move KLOSE to the last sixteen.

IN OTHER NEWS...

A day of games involving clear favourites was rounded off with the unpredictable meeting of Bosnia and Nigeria. The European side impressed against Argentina in their opener, although defeated, whereas Nigeria, seen by many as Africa's best hope of success, disappointed against Iran.

The loser of the game would be eliminated, and this created a nervy atmosphere. So nervy and scary, that Bosnia's main man, Edin Dzeko appeared to be hiding, seeing almost none of the ball in the first half and not buying tickets for raffles he could well of won.

One man gambling, once on a transfer to QPR being completed, now in Bosnian penalty boxes, was Peter Odemwingie, who provided a finish to Emineke's great work down the right, displaying pace and power and good composure to find his team-mate. The assister came in for praise from Martin Keown, who confused the clichès; 'Work-horse' and 'power-house,' to describe Emineke as a 'POWER-HORSE,' which I can only imagine if some kind of super-powered horse, possibly what an ordinary horse would evolve into should it be a Pokèmon with adequate training.

Back out the studio and onto the pitch, Dzeko did appear, but only to miss chances that could've saved his country's World Cup dreams. Instead, Bosnia's debut in the tournament will expire after their final group game.

Day 9; Costa Rica qualify, England do not.

Let's not dwell on it any longer, I did that in Day 8, let's just move on enjoy the rest of the tournament as a neutral, knowing whatever the result of any game you witness as of now, is unable to leave you feeling like you've been punched in the heart. Day 9 was the day that Costa Rica, expected whipping boys of group D and faced with possibly the toughest group considering they were drawn against three former world champions (albeit one of them being England), have qualified for the knockout stages - with a game to spare.

With either lots of hard work and determination, or some good photoshop-ing, we could make this the England team.

On the back of their Joel Campbell inspired victory against Uruguay, they have produced an even bigger upsetting of the odds, and many England fans. Italy, a team most praised heavily after they defeated us, including the coolest man in football, and the man who thinks he's the coolest man in football (Pirlo and Balotelli, decide on which description is meant for each player depending on your mental age), were left waving their hands around in despair, like Italians do with every other emotion.

Far from a Fulham legend, Bryan Ruiz, scored the unscripted first half goal that along with an OCD level of defensive organisation, secured a historic victory for the football crazy nation. The result now means Uruguay must play their second 'cup final' in as many games, as the winner of themselves and Italy will qualify for the second round, whilst the loser will be on the plane home with Elimination Airways™. Whether or not Uruguay achieve a double of cliché cups will surely depend on which key players perform in that fixture. Currently topping my list of swaggy midfielders, ahead of Xabi Alonso and the retired, Clarence Seedorf, is Andrea Pirlo, and if he gets to caress the ball enough you'd expect the Azzurri to qualify. However, as 'End of England's World Cup' montages on BBC and ITV will show us, Luis Suarez is more than capable of punishing opposition, and he'll have an extra couple of percent to add to his 75% fitness which he tore up our dreams with.

Ruiz indirectly sinking England

Apologies to the many Costa Ricans who'll read this, and be annoyed that I've barely touched on just how good they were, and to satisfy my Central American fan base, I will say this - they seem to have a fair few useful players in amongst their rigid structure. Christian Bolanos, or 'the matey with the hair band,' is the most hard working number seven I've seen since Beckham versus Greece, and the 'Pacey Joel Campbell' (his full name) could have a role to play at Arsenal next season, or more realistically, a hit and miss loan spell at a relegation battling Premier League side. How they'll do in the knockout rounds is anyone's guess, I'm going for one more upset, then a demolishing at the hands of Brazil in the quarter finals.

The prime time World Cup viewing spot was filled by France against Switzerland, which was surely a foregone conclusion considering the mighty Switzerland are ranked sixth in the world, and minnows France are only 17th. Yet against all odds, France put in arguably the performance on the tournament so far, rivaled  only Holland's thrashing of Spain. Giroud met Valbuena's corner with his well groomed head to put them a goal up, before Matuidi raced through and double the lead a minute later. Benzema, France's talisman in the absence of many, won and missed a penalty, but his embarrassment was spared as Cabaye kindly took the negative attention off of his teammate by missing the rebound which looked much easier than the task of scoring from 12 yards.

If you thought the penalty miss would spur Switzerland on, you were wrong. The minuscule Valbuena added a third, before Benzema redeemed his misery from the spot to score his third of tournament. One of Newcastle's many French-Geordie contingent added the fifth goal in the shape of Moussa Sissoko, to create a result which in spite of all my earlier sarcasm, was actually a shock, as France picked apart a Swiss team that is highly thought of, not just by FIFA. A pair of consolation goals offered some hope for Switzerland in their remaining group game, but they were fortunate not to concede a sixth as Benzema smashed the ball home just after the final whistle, something which could come back into the spotlight should Benzema narrowly lose out on the Golden Boot.

Minuscule Valbuena. 

AND FINALLY...

Ecuador met bad boys Honduras in the day's final game, in a somewhat entertaining affair. The South American style of the side lead by Antonio Valencia, in the light of his signing of a new contract at Manchester United, was up against an extremely physical side, to the point of making the audience at home wince, with the help of super slo-mo replays highlighting the force of tackles on show. Standout performances and hairstyles were present, with Bernárdez, the blonde-topped centre-back who looked clumsy in his own half and a threat in the other. Collapsing to his knees instead of heading the ball, he conceded a comical corner when the ball plummeted onto his knees and out of touch. However, on the attacking front, the big man stood 15 yards away from a free-kick, giving himself a Roberto Carlos-like run up. The ball seemed destined for Row Z, especially in the light of his earlier display of a simple lack of technical ability. Yet his strike of the ball was clean and accurate, as well as dangerously powerful, as it more than tested the Ecuadorian(?) goalkeeper. 

The keeper in question was beaten though, Kevin Costly latched onto to a long ball that would make Sam Allardyce and Tony Pulis weak at the knees, before the striker, literally chomping at the bit (of blue plastic he had in his mouth for some reason), he drilled a left footed effort home. 

Chomping at the bit of plastic, which must infuriate health and safety lovers.

Joy for Honduras, who before scoring only seemed to be capable of very few emotions, including angry and aggressive. But their joy sooned retracted into much more negative emotives, as Enner Valencia, no relation to Antonio Valencia in family terms or skill, turned the game on its head. First the in-form striker equalised with a poachers effort from a shot-turned-deflected-cross, before a second half winner via his head from a fairly simple set-piece, which was met with poor defending not for the first time in this tournament.

Being a South American side, the victory created yet another atmosphere that would make a fraction of the £800 flight price to Brazil, somewhat viable for any Englishman considering making the trip to Brazil.

Day 8; Summary mixed with live commentary of Italy vs Costa Rica

For the optimists among us, of which I'm embarrassed to say, I am one, it really really hurts. And what's perhaps even more painful is, it's not over yet. We're not technically eliminated as I begin to write this piece, watching the Italy vs Costa Rica game on which our fate depends, meaning there'll probably be more sadness to come, especially for those of us, again like myself, who still unfortunately believe.

Answers to why we have failed to deliver, yet again, cover a wide range of areas, varying from embodied ignorance in pubs saying 'coz we're shit', to the big-picture lookers, who point their fingers towards improving the English game at grass-roots level. But it's what happens on top of the grass that matters, as improving funding and level of coaching in the sport isn't going to make Johnson-Cahill-Jagielka-Baines a strong, well organised, capable back four. Whilst it may improve our back four, or even our whole squad in the future, hopefully in time for the 2052 World Cup, which will be played on Mars as the world's top players attempt to deal with the humidity and also lack of gravity, more short term fixes are surely available.

Day 7; Two shocks: World Champions are knocked out and Cahill scores with feet

The first of four footbally festival fantastic weeks has expired, and rather than be sad that a week has already gone, I can rest easy as there's still so long left, and so much has happened. Particularly on this, day 7, where there was so much to see that Sky Sports must be kicking themselves at not having the TV rights to the tournament, now more than ever, as they continue to broadcast mere photos of all the action.

Today saw without any doubt from mine or Radio 5 Live's Robbie Savage's mind, the best goal of the tournament so far. As well as the biggest shock yet, and probably the worst team performance so far as well, as Cameroon collapsed to Croatia.